I woke up yesterday morning and Lotus, a sable Syrian hamster, was not moving. Being Buddhist, I played this tape of Zen Buddhist chants by the side of her cage, not sure what exactly this would do but felt compelled to do it anyway. I was playing with her in the palm of my hand just the night before, around midnight. Yes, she started balding near her butt and she wasn\'t as active as she used to be. In fact, we noticed Lotus hadn\'t really even touched her food the other day. All these things worried us, but tragedy still did not enter our minds, be it denial or plain ignorance.
I went off to study for my LSAT exam as I am a prospective law student. When I returned home, my Mom was outside gardening. She ran to the side of my car before I could even park it and knocked on my window which I rolled down. She told me that she thought Lotus was gone and my sister, who\'s 15, was not taking it well at all. Who, who knew Lotus, could possibly take the news well? She was so much more than a hamster--that was one intellectual, adorable member of our family--potty trained, intuitive, and she understood both English and Mandarin Chinese. And anyone who knows me well, whether or not they loved Lotus, knows how much I am so absolutely and unconditionally in love with her.
Anyway, so I go in the house and my sister is quite upset. I\'m still quite composed. I go to Lotus\' cage, and the buddhist chant thing is still playing--we played it nonstop all day.
Finally, I opened up the cage and reached inside her little bungalow. Lotus was, indeed, dead. Feeling her so light and immobile in my hand immediately shot tears to my eyes and I broke down completely and shamelessly. I gently put her back down and went upstairs to retrieve a glass box. There was no way I would put my princess in a shoebox. No way. If she had to go, she\'d go Snow White-style.
I brought the glass jewelry box downstairs--Sis and I sprinkled holy dust on Lotus\' body and placed her, with her bungalow (this cute little thing she slept in inside her cage), carefully into the box and sealed it. Then we went outside, found a peaceful, scenic spot beneath an oak tree and started digging. After we buried her, we placed huge rocks all over her gravesite and whispered our last prayers to her. We showered white rose petals all over the grave and, when I have a chance, I plan on getting a granitestone engraved for our little princess.
My sister and I have always been very active, very busy individuals. So we didn\'t spend the quality time with Lotus that we should have. That has been our deepest regret. For the most part, my mother took care of Lotus. And Mom was devastated by her death too. We had put up this photograph of Lotus as our computer desktop wallpaper and when my Mom saw it, she sighed and was like, \"Wow. Lotus really was so cute. I guess she lived a good life. We all loved her so much. For a hamster, Lotus was quite blessed.\" She was. Not many hamsters live in a luxury-sized cage, sleeps in her own bungalow, has a white porcelain shell-shaped potty (she was potty-trained), and eats fresh fruits and veggies from my Mom\'s garden. Lotus always got the tiny heart of the cabbage (the best part), snow peas, string beans, whatever was freshest from the garden. We spoiled her--always buying her the absolute best hamster foods we could find.
Lotus knew she was loved. For the last hours of her life (though I didn\'t know they were her last hours at the time), I held her in my hands and stroked her gently, talking to her about the current state of the union--Lotus is anti-war and hates Bush too, the current state of my love life, and how much everyone loved her. At the time I wasn\'t terribly fearful for her life either--I mean, she survived two colds. This was our beautiful, affectionate, immortal super hamster who lived a good two years.
I guess the majority of the human population will not be compassionate enough to understand our attachment to Lotus. But as small as she was, Lotus was an integral part of our family, still is and always will be. We treated her like a princess because she was one. I loved her like my sister and Mom would always tell people Lotus was her fourth daughter, the real baby of the family. My sister, youngest in our family, used to be the \"baobei\" of the family--which means \"precious one\" in Chinese...until Lotus came along. Then Mom and all of us started calling Lotus the \"baobei.\"
By the way, she died on my 22nd birthday. Let me just tell you I did not take that well at all.
Rest in peace, lil one.
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